Wow! It's been so long since I've last posted a proper update. So many have f-cut me but lol, I don't blame them. I'm practically dead here orz. Sorry about that once again and also for not commenting much to friend's entries. A lot has been going on in my life as of late it's hard for me to be active online and still take care of other offline matters. It's also why I closed my website for those who've been asking about it.

Currently I'm taking up A-Levels in three sciences; chemistry, physics & biology. My exam is due on January, 7th or someday around it so I have to give it my all since my entry to medical school depends on how I'll score in these exams. I'm a little bit worried since I'm sitting for the exam as a private candidate but I have confidence I'll make it through with a string of A's C=
Studying on my own is a little tedious but I'm trying my best to manage my time. I hope it'll go well. Wish me good luck everyone ♥

I'll still be drawing on weekends and so. I'll try to finish the artworks I owe to people but it'll take time. Lots of it. I know over the past year I've been taking ridiculously long times to get artworks done but I've had some issues that severely affected the way I look at my own crapart orz. I've spent my summer practicing on improving my shortcomings and I think I'm ready to say I'm somewhat satisfied with the progress I've made. I sure need to practice more there is still so much more to learn but I'm seeing things better now. I know I can do a better job with each drawing. Thanks alot to the two arrogant artists who rejected my finished commissioned images even though they did approved of it when it was still in drawing stages. They even refused presenting any reasons as to why so I could at least modify their images.
Usually I don't care much what everyone else think but these two particular artists happened to be ones I highly admired their art. They are still my idol artists but I can't understand why they did what they did.

I was upset over it for a very long time & this really shook my confidence as an artist. This incident made me take down my dA gallery for three months back in May but now that I look at it, I'm kinda grateful this happened. The actions of these two made me realize how deluded I was to even think my art is worth paying for let alone having someone with better art skills like it. This is also part of why I've kept the remaining commission requests on hold for this long especially that one of the requests is by another artist I greatly admire. I want to resume when I'm sure I can present something that worth what I'm being paid for. If my drawing was mediocre to some, I'm sure others think so as well but they are too nice to tell me. I just don't want what happened to repeat orz.

Tip for anyone out there who likes to commission artists. Don't request commissions from someone you don't like their style in drawing. It's pointless and hurts the artist really bad. Artists are usually not very good at handling rejection since they tend to be very sensitive about what they create and it means alot to them. I got over it & learned something from it but someone else might not.

I didn't want to talk about this but I needed to write it down.


Oh and I started watching Supernatural 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDD Dean is so cute ♥ Also, New House M.D. episodes are epic! and Merlin S2 is as cool as ever ♥3♥  I've always been bad at drawing real people but I really really want to draw Merlin, Arthur, Sam & Dean someday T3T ♥ I wonder when orz;

Long journal lol. Since site is closed, I'll be updating here more often. This time for real lol 8D

So, I'm backing up my files and I come across some drawings I made early this year that I totally forgot about. I remember I was really happy with those images back then but now I'm looking at them and I can't believe the amount of horrible mistakes I see in them now. It hasn't been much since February so it's not that I've improved and whatnot. Idk, I don't understand how could I miss such obvious mistakes orz;
Hearing too much praises isn't good at all. Even though I deny it, I think it somewhat gave me a false feeling that I'm doing alright artistically when in reality, I'm not. I need someone to hit me hard with a critique hammer every now and then and bunch of others who will constantly tell me I suck big time in drawing.

I'm glad I'm able to spot my mistakes. Mistakes that once were totally non-existent to me but now makes me feel like shift+deleting my entire gallery. It says something to me.
What bothers me is that it takes me a long while to figure out I'm doing things wrong on my own and for this reason, would it be too much if I ask you, whoever spends time to view my works, to be honest with me when it comes to what I draw ? I'm not asking you to do detailed critique-ing and stuff coz I believe what I draw is too plain & simple to be critiqued orz;;; I understand that my drawings have got no ideas behind it, no fancy concepts or even emotions but despite that, if something did look weird\wrong to you in anatomy, colors, composition or lack of orzlll, please, do not hold back & let me know what looks off to you.

I wish I had more time to draw & practice without being interrupted by family responsibilities. I can't wait for summer vacations to start so I'll get rid of some annoying faces.

Sorry for always ranting about my drawings and crap but it's important to me and I care about doing well in it.



I want to draw more Grahams so badly orz; I can't stop thinking about him even though I'm only in episode 06 season1 of G00 sob. The drama CD is totally addicting ;v; Hamu sensei ♥

I need to use refs for union uniforms =3=;

p.s.;
Because my current laptop keeps crashing & freezing for no obvious reason, I ordered this laptop I've always been dreaming about. It should arrive anytime next week so hopefully I'll be able to work on all the artworks I owe to everyone in peace. I'm really sorry I've been putting those off for so long. You guys must be hating me now but seriously, it's not procrastination orz;

m(_ _)m;;;;

p.p.s.;
I'm really sorry I haven't been checking my friend's journals here for the longest time and haven't been regular in commenting to you people. I'm surprised no one has f-cut me so far even though I was expecting some because of my inactivity TvT
End of April, everything will be settled by then inshallah & I'll be more regular then. At least I can hope.

orz

Take care everyone.
♥

Haha, I wrote a long rant but ended up deleting it because ... I don't know, I felt so stupid or something lol but it felt really good while I was typing. Sorry for being so inactive online but life is really hectic over here. Too much shit to handle, family problems, kids to teach, people to look after, daily stupid endless house chores and whatnot orz; I feel like a 45 years old obasan TWT; anyways,

Art tiem! I should not say sorry for whatever I want to do with my journal here but sorry for those who have to see the drawings below *again* lol but it's only four or five of you lol. I'm adding it here for those who don't visit my homepage so please bear with it until I have something more recent in the coming update orz.

( Old crap )


And a WIP lol. Idk why do I torture myself drawing something I know it'll take me forever and the end result will not be satisfying. That guitar thing is so going to be a pain in the ass orz.

Now, I need to prioritize me to-do list. RE:play contest entry comes first. I'm still sketching it OTL;;; I don't think I'll make it on time but I'll work my ass off the coming two days T_T and then comes finishing commissions. I really need to stop getting side-tracked with drawing fanarts T_T;;;;;;; OOOSH! FIGHT-OOOO

Stay well everyone & be happy for me T_T

New LJ Layout 8'DDD


I hope it's not too dark for reading. I've got nothing to say so I'll just post some artworks and get back to my works.



( +4 under cut )

I'm sorry if you have to see these for the second time but only a handful visit my site so it's ok if I post these for those who don't go there 8D
*back to drawing*

I'm feeling so cranky today I'm trying to avoid contact with human beings so I won't say or do something I might regret later on. I hate it when this happens orz. There are so much things I want to do but I can't concentrate because I think I'm depressed or something. Idk but I'm not well which is unusual =w=; I hope I'm out of it soon because I can't afford to waste more time orz.
In the past three days, I've cleared some of my to do list but nothing art related. Finished the new layout for my website and I'm shocked how pretty it looks 8D lol. I still need to optimize it for Opera but it looks perfect in almost all other browsers. I also deleted more than half of my artworks online here and there, removed all old blog entries everywhere and most importantly, I feel so proud I fixed an impossible gallery script error when I know NOTHING about php and shit XDDD haha. I felt impressed with myself when I was done with the gallery lol 8D FYI, integrating ZenPhoto gallery script to your wordpress is a srz bznz for people like me who don't know their way around codes and function calling! Plus, only few can integrate it seamlessly lol hehe.
I still need to make the index page and finish the top image for it. My gallery is empty so I'll have to upload some images there too. Links section needs updating and I still haven't started working on the matching LJ layout.
Such a bad habit of wanting everything to match orzorzorzlllll

Anyways, some sketches;


Poofy hair lolool 8D I didn't notice until after I've scanned the image that his arm is very short orz. The hair looks so messy especially around the bottom but meh >_> I couldn't get it fixed any more than this.
I found out while drawing this that the papers of my sketchbook are of very bad quality. If I erase an area more than twice, the paper starts ripping little by little oAolll I think I'll have to drop by art supplies store someday OR live with that sketchbook and learn not to depend on eraser too much lol 8D


Hika chan's character Val. Instead of drawing random characters, I thought I'd draw all my friend's original characters or else, all the random boys I'll draw will end up naked because dressing them and designing outfits for them is such a pain I don't have time for it lol 8D Val looks really wonky compared to the real thing but first time sketches are always like that lol. He'll look better if I draw him again.


And Phoenix san's Silvador. It's almost finished but needs some fixing here and there, some texts, more playing with textures and a little color correction. I think I'll never release the uncropped version since it's too revealing (/3\*) and Phoenix might kill me for abusing her bishounen in such a perverted way loloolol 8D

Question
I wonder if OC owners hate it or like it when they receive fanarts ? I mean obviously, most of OC artists are always against fanarts but do they hate fanarts of their own characters as well ?
If you own an OC, do you mind seeing artworks that depict your characters without your persmission, of course when all credits are given to you clearly ? I suppose majority don't really mind it and some might feel flattered someone out there is liking their creation enough to want to draw them but say, I did something very kinky to one of your boys, would you, as the character's creator, feel bad ? offended ? O_O ?
I don't know. I have only one under-developed OC but I think I wouldn't mind if someone stripped him for a sexy pose lol.
I'm just worried my friends whose OCs I frequently draw might be hating or disliking me abusing their boys but they are too nice to tell me that ? idk >_> I guess I'm think too much =3=!

Note to self:
REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES AND E-MAILS DAMMIT OTLlllllllll

Happy new year ? lol, it's still January so I can wish you a happy new year 8D *shot*
It's been a long time since I've last checked my F-list. Please, forgive me for not commenting to your journals in so long. I know it might not be that important to anyone but for some friends, I'm not skipping your posts ;-; and for those who have it as a rule to comment frequently, I'm sorry I failed to keep up orz.
I'll be on LJ as soon as I'm done with the drawings I'm currently working on. It shouldn't take long >_<

I hope you guys are doing great. Holidays are over here. Everyone is back to schools which is a good thing, at least for me lol. The only free time I get is when my kid siblings are at school or asleep orz. A lot of things have happened in the past month both good and bad but it was mostly more bad than good. At times like this, I feel glad that I'm the forgetful type of people. Bad thing happens now, five minutes later I don't remember a thing about it lol. There is so much I want to do this year but I'll have to write them down properly in another post so I won't forget (-ε-;)

Some artworks;



And a couple of Mononoke sketches;

Don't ask me what the first sketch is >_> It's just, ... idk OTL;;;
I think I should find a new obsession as strong as my obsession with Kusuriuri. I'm thinking Squallo *____* <333 but I'll have to brainwash myself first lol. My sketchbooks are getting filled with mononoke stuff it's not even healthy orz.
I'll try to upload more often from now on and I think I will now that I have the draw-one-sketch-per-day resolution lol. I really haven't drawn anything in my sketchbook since the beginning of this year because of family problems but I'll try to make up for it.

Practice time (￣△￣)ノ

Also, sorry I haven't been checking my f-list as of late. I've got connection problems since a week now but I hope it'll be fixed soon orz.
Good thing is that when you are offline, you get to finish alot of RL works that you keep on leaving for later lol. So, I did alot of stuff I needed to do long ago and I also got to sketch alot 8D.
I still have heaps of laundry to do OTL, I hate laundry TxT

Back to work.

Meme snagged from Permanentwhite;

( meme time ~ )

Whoa~ This was long .. and fun 8D
And now for some artworks because I haven't posted any in a while.
Haruna Motoki from Ookiku Furikabutte. WHY DOES HE CHANGE IN EVERY PICTURE I DRAW OTLOTLOTL ;[];!
I suck so much at drawing teenager boys orz. I need a little bit shota skills so when I combine it with my current, I'll be able to draw proper teenagers ;__;
Long time no opencanvas ;3; I really missed that program so I colored this image with it.

( More under cut ... )

Also, a small WIP between commissions and art-trades sketchings .. Something random that was meant to be for another community's catboy club but since I quit that site, I'll just keep him to myself 8D

And this is all.
I feel very good these days and I think whatever I draw turn out unexpectedly ok lol. I hope this mood lasts for a long while.
Maybe it's an effect of the good weather nowadays ? So much rain showers and beautiful cold breeze ;3;
Seeing fluffy clouds in the clear blue sky makes me super happy :DDD

My sister introduced me to this awesome band called "Core of Soul" and ever since then, I'm pretty much addicted to their songs. I've listened to almost all of their music and I liked "The Best" album and "Natural Beauty" very much. I feel compelled to share their music with you guys and I'm sure you'll like it even if you aren't a fan of Jmusic :D

"Photosynthesis", "Angel", "Full Moon Prayer", "Ageha", "The spirit of this place", "Sweet Dreams" are few of my most favorites by CoS. You can download some from the links down =) and if you liked these, you can get the rest of the album from here. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Core of Soul - Full Moon Prayer [The Best] - 10.73 MB
Core of Soul - Angel [The Best] 8.66 MB

I'm particularly drawn to Angel's lyrics. The story it tells is so beautiful ♥

You called me "angel" & if I ever was
I flew down here a long time ago through a gap in clouds
I wanted to be ordinary to be loved by a man
But you came over and woke my memories up
And I fell in love with you

But I'm not an angel like the one you thought I would be
I flew high up in the sky but it was because of you
I'm not an angel like the one you thought I would be
I don't deserve the blue sky or a real angel like you

You said that I had wings & If I ever did
They were invisible all my life till they touched your lips
I wanted to fly again if you could take my hands
But my greed asked for both angel's wing & man's feet
So you were gone with the wind

So I'm not an angel like the one You thought I would be
Oh, how I miss to walk around in the endless sky you showed me
But I'm not an angel like the one you thought I would be
Maybe it was crucial that I envied your world

I'm not brave enough yet
Cuz I've been here too long, too long
That affection won't let me go

But you called me "angel" & if I ever was...

Too sad, CoS was disbanded in 2006 =( I wonder if the lead singer has released any new songs since then. Her voice is so beautiful ;_;

To make this post lengthy, have some quick doodles ...


( This is a cut to save space on your f-page 8D )
I'll try to come up with my own characters someday soon so that I'll victimize them instead of other people's OCs >8D

I've always been wanting to share some of my favorite mp3s but I always either forget or get troubles with my internet connection. This morning I managed to upload some of my most most favorite songs, ones that I listen to on repeat and thought it'd be cool to share it with you people. I hope you'll like them. Actually, I'm sure you'll like them 8DDDD

GazettE - Guren [Auditory Impression] - 12.44 MB
Guren is one of the very very few songs by The GazettE that I actually enjoy listening to. The other two being Cassis and Defective Tragedy. I loved both the PV and the lyrics of this song and for once, the vocals are very addicting. Lovelovelove it to bits <333333

Ayur - Children of the Earth (Ness's original re-edit) [Beautiful Field] - 3.7 MB
I don't much about who sings this song or where is it from since it was e-mailed to me by a friend but it's super sweet and cute at the same time. I love the kids talking in the beginning and the piano melodies. Wonderful song. A must listen to if you like sweet music.

E.S.Posthumus - Nara (Theme to Cold Case) [Unearthed] - 5.55 MB
I remember I used to make sure I don't miss the OP theme of one of my favorite t.v. shows "Cold Case" because I loved the opening theme very much. I loved this song so much I'd skip watching the show if I had missed the op song lol. A year later while testing a site called seeqpod.com I stumbled upon this song and I found out that it's called Nara by the amazing E.S.Posthumus. I remember I listened to it on repeat for about 5 days when I first downloaded it lol.
In short, this is one amazing piece of music. You really can't miss it.

Ryan Farish - Pacific wind [From the Sky] - 9.97 MB
I've got no words for this song. It always makes me happy when I listen to it and lol, I probably will come out as crazy but when I listen to this music it reminds me that there is always good times after a hardship. Don't ask me why I think of this. I just feel so 8D
All of Ryan Farish's music makes me happy. He is one of my most favorite music composers <333

Scott Matthew - Psychedelic Soul [Stand Alone Complex O.S.T.2]
I accidentally found this song while reading it's lyrics in an image description by an artist in dA. I found the lyrics very moving and decided to give the song a try. I'm glad I did because despite the song being emo and all, it's still so nice to listen to.

Download these, listen to them till the end and let me know what you think XD
I hope someone out there likes some of these.

And because I haven't uploaded any artworks since my return, I'll upload some sketches for now.
A couple of them are old ones and some of you might have seen them on my site but the remaining are ones I drew while in Afghanistan.





And a work in progress screenshot ...



This was supposed to be a giftart for a friend for her original character's birthday on 07.07 but I got busy with finishing commissions I didn't get time to work on it ;3; Hopefully, I'll get to finish it tonight. Ahaha XD I wish I could make original characters of my own. I just suck at assigning stories and names to random guys I draw lol.

That's all for now 8D
p.s.: I love these clever ads. X3